


Kingdom or Coffee Shop?

by SweetSamOfMine (AudreeJo)



Series: Olivia [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, POV Female Character, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreeJo/pseuds/SweetSamOfMine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liv wonders more than ever what Heaven might be like.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kingdom or Coffee Shop?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peanutbutterandbananasandwichs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbutterandbananasandwichs/gifts).



> I wrote this after receiving this prompt: "Drabble prompt: Sam/Liv + Heaven."
> 
> This takes place a few weeks after "[Sick](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2858168/chapters/6406706)."

Heaven wasn’t really something Liv had thought about a lot in her life. She considered that her mother was probably there and conceded that she hoped she’d join her there, too, some day. Her grandpa talked about it a lot because he was religious and he took her to church as a kid, but it was hard for her to buy into it all. Losing her mother so young did that to her. She couldn’t deny its existence because that would slam the door shut on ever seeing her mom again, but focusing too long on it made her question if it was real.

She didn’t like that.

Of course, when her father’s demise came about because the contract on his demon deal ran out, she started thinking about the afterlife a little bit more seriously. It seemed like a much more pressing issue once she could no longer wonder if there was a Hell. There  _was_  a Hell, so didn’t that make it true that there was a Heaven, too? Unfortunately, as she fell down that rabbit hole, all she ever found proof of was demon after demon.

Then there were the Winchesters. They had seen everything. And they even knew an angel and talked about them, in general, like they had spent more time with angels than actual humans. Originally it almost made her feel as disoriented about the world as finding out demons exist, but she recovered quickly. It only made sense that if there were demons then there were angels. But if the boys knew angels, did that mean she could meet one? And could she ask what it was like where they were from?

But the angels didn’t seem to come around and they were a sore subject with the Winchesters. The boys didn’t seem to really want to talk about them or answer specifics questions. In fact, any time Liv would give it a try, the conversation stayed vague and general until Dean would end it gruffly with “Angels are dicks.” 

And then Liv had her own brush with death and it made her think about Heaven in a whole new way. (It’s kind of disappointing how things sometimes become real to you  _only_  when  _you_ are the one on the chopping block. That part of it made Liv ashamed.) But for the first time she considered what it must have been like for her mom to cross the threshold of Heaven’s gate and regretted so much about her life, wondering if there was more she could have done to ensure when she was on her way out, she was on her way to see Mom. But it was during that ordeal, while Liv was coughing up blood and struggling for breath, while Sam and Dean argued in their sleep deprivation, that it came out the boys had also crossed that threshold once before. And again, the curtains of the world were pulled back a little further as her view got wider.

You could come back, there were ways to come back. And if you’ve been there and have come back …. you probably know some stuff….

After that, Liv tried to work up to asking Sam what it was like to crossover. What did it look like? What did it feel like? Was it beautiful or scary? But she could never figure out the best way to bring it up. It was never the proper time. It felt like such a personal thing to ask about, like a violation, and she wasn’t sure why. 

Whenever they got time just the two of them, she watched him leaning back in his chair, tucking his hair behind his ear as busy eyes under a furrowed brow scanned through pages and pages of research. The room would become very still as he started feeling her eyes on him, then slowly his face would soften and turn to her in question, brows raised in confusion.

"You okay?" he asked. 

 _"Yeah!"_  she answered abruptly, eyes dipping back down to her own load of notes, realizing that without reciting the speech she had concocted for if she ever got the courage up to actually ask Sam about Heaven, she just looked like she was staring at him. (Which she tended to do from time to time, anyway, if we’re being honest.) She waited for him to shrug and go back to what he was doing prior before she let her eyes lift off the page and jump back to watching him research again. And she noticed how he was sitting up a little straighter, and that he ruffled his hand through his hair a little more often than before, and the sides of his mouth were turned more upward just a faction.  

She got a little lost watching him again, not thinking about asking him about anything in particular this time, just enjoying the way he looked when he felt special, when he knew there were moments Liv had a hard time focusing on research while he was around, and the smile on her own face grew. And she wondered if she had complicated the idea of Heaven a little too much. Maybe there wasn’t some big, scary answer about passing a veil or trying to make sense of the world you left behind.

Feeling Liv’s eyes again, Sam sighed at his book and met her gaze with a grin, one brow cocked. He said nothing. 

She didn’t try to play it off this time. She only smiled back in return. 

And she wondered if, afterall, Heaven was something kind of like this.


End file.
